Twi-Hard

So I've admitted that I am a fan of the Twilight series. I've reluctantly admitted to liking the books (especially Breaking Dawn) and the New Moon movie made up for the lackluster Twilight movie (prob because Rob Patts wasn't in it too much to ruin it).

But I had a giggle or two over these little bits I found:

These are just uber nasty, whoever thought these up should be punched!

Diaper Debate

We cannot decide between these two diaper bags.

Do we go with Bag A and celebrate how fun our new little one will be?

Or do we select Bag B
And bring in his new arrival with the luck of the Koi?

Had Ourselves a Very Merry Christmas

Christmas was such a blessing this year!

We got to spend time with loving family, share good food and spoil the crud out of our kids.

I think my step-girl didn't put her phone down all Christmas day, just texting everyone she could think of and my son sleeps cuddled next to his PSP.

We got to celebrate being together and having my dad almost completely out of his house (such a HUGE mess).

And the baby got to share a little gift also, he kicked a whole bunch for both my bug and my step-girl! Which was amazing since they've both dying to feel him kick just once.

Almost 22 weeks

I know I don't really have a bump yet but I've been dying to shoot with this little blankie my darling friend gave me and I wanted it for his first (prenatal) Christmas.
Actually, I swear I've somehow lost weight recently...

I'm smell Dorritos so I'm going to go mug the person with the bag...

The Magic of Christmas

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew theywere world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true. Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go.""Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun.

"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs.. Pollock's grade-two class.

Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat! I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly."It's for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house,explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step,pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and to Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.. Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were -- ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.

I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.

May we always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care... And may we always believe in the magic of Christmas…and Santa Claus!

Dreaming

As all pregnant women do, I've been having the strangest dreams...

I keep dreaming about us having a little girl. She's a huge fat ball and she almost looks Japanese. Which makes me laugh because the dreams didn't start until after we found out we were having a boy. Maybe I'm actually having a hippo girl and it's a secret...

Or sometimes I dream that my oldest step-daughter is also pregnant and we're total bump buddies. We lunch together and compare ultrasounds. We end up at the same hospital, in labor and she has a beautiful towheaded baby girl and we have our little boy.

Pzzzbbbtt, so not close to ever happening...

The weirdest one was that I was planning my dad's wedding and I couldn't find my email so I could mail the invites. I actually woke up stressed, still worried about making sure everything was perfect for my dad's wedding. It took almost an hour for that one to wear off.

Last night's was about a tar pit that was going to explode and destroy most of the world. My love and I had to help think of a way to save as many people as we could. Our solution? Plant bottles of every shape & size around the tar pit.... yeah, I don't get that either. I woke up confused about that one, but it was a brilliant idea in my dream.

I don't know which of these little goobs is freaking me out the most, but I would definitely take these mini-night terrors over not being able to sleep any day.

Well, night, night and sleep tight!

Dear Baby

Dearest Baby,
I do so very much adore that you have currently discovered the passion for indoor soccer, but if you could please not use my ribs as a trampoline I would absolutely appreciate it more than anything...

Thank you

Mommy

19 Weeks and Counting

Almost 18 weeks here....

I feel fantastic and other than having a hard time grabbing things off the floor, I hardly feel pregnant. The round ligament pain stinks but even that's easing up a bit. We went for our monthly check up and the doctor said everything was absolutely perfect. She took a few of his measurements and said that he was textbook perfection. Exactly where I should be. Which is a sigh of relief for us because last time they were telling us we might be due earlier, like around the 21st of April.

It was so exciting because I've been able to feel the baby kick since about 12 weeks but my love finally got to feel him kick a few times on Thanksgiving! We've been trying to catch him so the kids can feel (I know my step-girl is dying to feel him kick), but he doesn't want to yet. My baby bug is beyond excited for his new brother. He wants to go shopping for him and he's being extra careful with his toys now so that JJR can play with them when he's old enough. He always says goodmorning, goodbye & goodnight to him. But he does understand that he isn't done cooking yet. I love that he's so smart and understanding and I don't have to "dumb down" or "baby talk" him.

I feel like I have been pregnant forever, but I am enjoying every second of it. My husband loves taking bump pictures and I am more than happy to oblige and have every moment recorded. I was worried at first about how we were going to work everything out. But I just don't worry about it the same anymore. It seems so irrelavant. We're so blessed with such an amazing family, who's so supportive.

My dad is almost moved in and getting more and more comfortable each day. We're all just trying to find a balance but it'll work out soon. I'm just so glad that we're able to do this.

My step-girl's official first teen birthday is next week and while excited, we're petrified. She was nine just yesterday! Where did these four years go? She's so grown and she is going to be stunning when she gets older (if she isn't already).... and my love is going to age about thirty years in just a day....

We went to her holiday concert this week and she's now a bass player. I think it suits her better than the violin or whatever it was from before... viola, maybe?

I should run for now and eat my evil cheddar fries that have been trying to stare me down for the past thirty minutes...

Evil, evil cheddar fries...

Just FYI

I'm excited to see you this week.

I'm a little giddy.

Not because I enjoy your presence but because I enjoy how uncomfortable I make you.

It tickles me that I haven't done anything to deserve your massive fear of me.

Because I know you fear me.

I wonder if you'll run and hide again.

I wonder if, for once, you'll be brave enough to acknowledge me.

I wonder if you'll wear huge clothing to cover your little (not so very) secret. <--- Dead give away would be that your boobs magically inflated four sizes

I look forward to the day when we can look back and laugh at how silly all of this is.

I doubt we ever will.

More Mat Pics

I told you before I was obsessing over maternity pics... I love silhouettes and the window is one of my favorite lighting techniques. I actually have a stunning shot of one of my greatest friends that's similar to this. Out of all the family group shots I found, this one was one of the nicer looking ones. It was set-up looking casual instead of awkward and uncomfortable.
I like the concept of this picture, but something bothers me about it. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it just looks off to me. Maybe it's where the frame is sitting or her face, I don't know. I love this nude shot!
I would totally do something like this but I know my family would flip a freak out if I did. I am so in love with my body right now and I would love show it off.

This one bothers me. I think it's the next Christmas card for the Jeepers Creepers. Had it been just mom and dad, maybe I could accept that but throwing in a nude baby just bothers me. It ruins the romantic feel that was created with the black setting.

To each his own though, right?

Drum Roll....

..... We're having a boy!!!!!!!!!

We couldn't be happier and we are so excited to be welcoming little JJR (aka The Tonti) into our family soon! <---- Not soon enough but sooner than later

He was frustrating our technician (again) and she started complaining that we couldn't get a clear shot of his sex... so our little guy poked his butt out and flashed himself.

I am so excited because we really wanted a boy (obviously) and all my instincts were telling me boy, but I didn't want to get my hopes up.
I could have sworn until the day my bug was born that he was going to be a beautiful, tiny, mocha skinned girl.... Wrong!

My love swears he's known all along and just needed confirmation, but he's crazy.

Now we can go shopping for all the cute little nursery things we wanted, and I am so ready to start spoiling the little guy!!

Picture This

I am currently geeked out and uber obsessed with maternity pics!

I cannot wait to be "big enough" to get a nice round belly shot.

I want to get creative and do something totally out of the realm of normal. I spent almost two hours googling and only found a handful of orginial shots and in all honesty, they weren't even that original.

My dearest bestest is currently attending the school for the arts so I know I'll have no trouble finding a photographer to shoot with. I found one local photographer whose work I adore but due to conflicting interests, I can't ask her.... Bummer.

I really want to get big and round with this pregnancy and I am photographing the heck out of it. This'll probably be my last pregnancy (hopefully) and I want each moment captured.

As fat as my baby bug grew to be, I didn't get that round with him. I think I only gained 20 pounds at most for the whole term.

I want the big belly and to get huge!

Why not, you know?

The Big Question

Of course, as any pregnant woman does, the big question has come up. From the first moment you find out you're expecting a new bundle, the first question that comes up in your mind is "Will it be a boy or a girl?"

And while you might love whichever it might be, you always have your preference.

Like all expecting parents, we've been waiting at the edge of our seats... And at the end of this month we'll have our answer.

I'm willing to admit, I want a boy. It'll be my husband's first and I think boys are way (waaaayyyy) easier than girls. We had an ultrasound about two weeks ago, but it was too early to have a definitive answer. Both the doc and the technician said it looked like a boy but it was too soon. We're not going out and buying blue yet, but our fingers are crossed. All signs are pointing to boy, which is why I think it's going to be girl (just to mess with our heads).

If we have a girl, we'll be just as thrilled. I've already warned my husband that she would only wear frilly fluffy dresses and I'd insist on taping bows to her head. She'd be a little spoiled princess, but not too spoiled cause we've seen the damage that does.

Admittedly, I'm a little weirded out because both my dad and my sister want to be there for the ultrasound. I'm not entirely a private person but this just seems a little too open for me. Apparently I'm the only one with this issue though, and I know how bad each of them want to be there... My dad never got to see an ultrasound...

Besides all that excitement and betting, my love finished his triathlon!!!! We are so proud of him!! They said that first years almost never complete the whole thing, especially without any previous multi event experience and he did it!!!! Yay-Hoo for him!!!

We're going to go see New Moon this weekend, which should be so much fun. I totally hate admitting I enjoyed the books (except this one, bleh) and that I'm looking forward to the movie almost as much as my step-girl is. We were supposed to make a huge girl's night of it, with my step bringing her bestest, but due to all the issues it just didn't work out. I'll have to think of some other fun way to make up for it. Maybe a spa day for the four of us? Like mani pedis for my step, her bestest, my bestest and me.... hmmm?

I'm starting to show now and not look like I'm bloated. I get a lot more people asking me now... I love finding new ways to make them feel uncomfortable for asking. I know it's a little mean, but it's so fun seeing the expressions on their faces when they think they made a mistake and inadvertently called me fat...

I'm still massively craving pizza, food made by the gods!! But I can no longer eat any sweets, which sucks cause I have a horrible sweet tooth.

I'm finally mellowing out (kind of). We've had a few too many surprises and issues these past couple of weeks and it's nice not to worry as much. It's nice to look forward to the holidays, this being our first Thanksgiving at our house, and we're looking forward to just being with family more than anything.

I'm sleeping through the night and the messed up dreams aren't waking me up with stress riding in every muscle (sucks). I can eat without wanting to spew. All the pieces are falling into place very nicely.... At least for now... Until someone drops a new puzzle in our laps....

Bleeding Heart

I have been having one of those weeks from hell.

One of those weeks where you'd swear that it's been a month and it's only been 7 days.

Seriously stressing over things that should have never been an issue.

Stressing over people causing more issues just because they're still dissatisfied with their lives.

I won't go into detail, but I will say...

"You have everything you've ever bitched about wanting, go enjoy it"

There might have been some peace and maybe even a small fraction of resolution made last night, but only time ever tells that. I hate that by marrying the man of my dreams I got to become two very angry people's punching bags. I just want to be left alone to love my family. I understand people have their judgements about me. I understand I'm not the prettiest or the smartest, but I don't need it shoved down my throat.

Sorry, a little bit of bitter snuck out on me...

I'm finally calming down a bit today, and trying to de-stress, but then I get hit with a whopper (and cause I'm preggers, it's way bigger than it needs to be)...

This guy comes in to my office today. He starts by telling his life history. He tells me that he divorced his wife when his oldest of five kids was ten. He tells me that since he met his second wife, his ex has done everything she could to poison his kids against him. He tells me that his ex would tell the kids he moved, never sent any presents or acknowledgements or never wrote (he claims, none of which were true). He says that his wife knew all her children's insecurities and used them against him. Only his youngest ever kept in touch with him and still treated him nicely. He continues by saying that he hasn't spoken to her in over a year but wasn't overly concerned. His youngest is now 35 with her own family. He decided to try to reconnect with her by searching Google for any profile pages on Facebook or myspace.

He pulled up her obituary.

She had passed right around the time he last heard from her.

His ex never called him nor any of his other 4 kids.

None of his kids will speak to him, thinking he is the most horrible piece of trash for not even showing for his own daughter's funeral... And little do they know.

My heart goes out this guy. I don't know him and for all I knew he could be the piece of crap his ex claims he is. But it hit home for me. It just scares me that there's people out there willing to do this kind of thing.

During all of our struggles with the step-kids, any misstep or wrong move could lead us down this path. We can only hope that this never happens and that his daughter knows he loves her and would never turn his back on her. I mean, if he still loves his oldest after everything she's done and claimed, then the possibilities are endless for the youngest.

Regrets

People should regret hurting others, especially maliciously. Certain people should grow up and get over the lies they've told themselves. Those certain people should do all they could to make amends before it's too late... It will be too late someday.

As an example:
Dear Prudence,When I was 14, I severed ties with my dad. I was a messed-up teenager, living with my certifiably nutty mother and visiting my dad on weekends. When he remarried and had another baby with my stepmom, I was furious. I treated them badly, cursed at them, hollered at them, stole from them, and went so far as to try to hurt my stepmom and new baby brother. I treated my stepmom like dirt, even though she was never mean. After I stopped answering my dad's calls and threatened to report him to the cops as a stalker, he stopped trying to get in touch with me. I can see now that he and my stepmom were good people who wanted only the best for me. Now that I am 27, I am trying to get back in touch with my dad, because I'm getting married. However, he will not respond to mail, e-mail, or Facebook messages. I've asked my uncle and cousins to tell him that I want to see him. They told me that he was too hurt by my behavior and has no desire to get in touch. Am I wrong to try to re-enter his life? Should I just leave him alone?

Pandemonium

These past couple of weeks have been so busy. I have never been so glad I took a day off of work. We've been shopping & decorating & cleaning & moving & celebrating & & &....

First things first, my baby bug is officially seven! He's strutting around the house, standing taller, all proud he's survived these past years. First thing out of his mouth that morning was "Where's my presents?" Och...

Does he look older? I swear he's grown three inches...

To commemorate this special occasion celebrating his newfound manhood, he lost his first tooth! It's been loose for about a month now and I am so relieved it finally fell out!

Halloween was fun. There was basically no one giving out candy in our neighbordhood but we bought enough candy to choke a small cow, so the kids weren't overly depressed about it. Next year I am so draggin the kids back to the area we went last year. The kids ended up with so much candy that all of our jobs told us to stop bringing it in!

The kids were so cute in their costumes! My step-girl won 3rd place in her school's costume contest (cause she rocks!) we were so excited for her!

This weekend was exciting for me because I got to see my grandpa & grandma whom I haven't spoken to in over 6 years. My family doesn't really like each other so it was nice to have a pleasant sit down reunion dinner. No name calling, no dishes being thrown. It was definitely weird for me...

I am going into my 14th week of the pregnancy. Now that all the drama of the past three months is over, it's all pretty boring (which is sooooo nice). We're soon going to beg the doc to let us see the sex of the baby but i don't know if he will. He's the coolest doctor but he's stubborn. We're hoping for a boy, so fingers and toes crossed. I have a slight bump but it jut looks like I'm bloated. My cravings for pizza are out of control! But I'm also eating pickles by the jarful, chococlate pudding & drinking apple juice. But they have to be all together or it's gross.... And then there's turkey sandwhiches with mustard! Yummy!!! Or grilled hot dogs... with mustard!!! I totally have to stop writing about food or I"m going to go nuts. Or maybe I already am?

The baby has started to kick, but it's very slight and only very rare. My husband hasn't been able to feel it yet but I'm sure he will soon. Last night we felt the baby's heartbeat. That was different. It was so sturdy and completely different from my own.
My husband's triathalon is this weekend so he's been training his buns off. He's pretty confident that he'll finish in a good time and just excited to be able to try. Hopefully things will slow down after this weekend, cause I am tired!

La Reve

La Reve = The Best Show Ever!

If you haven't been to this show, go.

Like now, right now, go!

We went for our anniversary and had seats right in front and it was one of the best shows we've seen so far. I know my mom-in-law would shiv bricks but I have to claim that it is even better than "Phantom of the Opera"

This is one that will forever stay in my memories.

Proper Parenting?

I am just horrified to hear what parenting seems to have become nowadays.

There was a story on my favorite morning show (morning zoo!) explaining that the parents of an 8 year old have been arrested for washing her mouth out with soap. How many of us grew up knowing that if we said a curse word our mouths were going to be filled the soapy goodness of Irish or Dove? And now these two have had their kids taken away and are facing 10 years in jail?

I'm flabbergasted. The government wants us to be responsible for our children's actions (like if your kid steals a car, you're the one in deep shiv) but when you discipline them, you can be arrested? How are children supposed to grow up respecting the rules and that there are consequences for everything you do?

I grew up in a household that wasn't heavy handed but I knew that if I was out of line, that paddle was an option and I feared it. I never snuck out of the house because I knew that if I did my butt would be blistered and I feared it.

It almost seems that if I were to use psychological tactics on my child, I too could be arrested for mental abuse. Parents shouldn't have to have this kind of trouble. Kids today are already out of control and it seems that the government is intent on letting them at all costs.

I remember being in kindergarten and knowing that if I got into real trouble that I would be sent to the principal and spanked... by the principal!

I know that some so-called parents abuse their children and take things to the extreme but this isn't for them.

I read in the paper the other day about a woman who was driving and this guy completely went road maniac on her. Pulling up alongside of her, cursing, smacking the window, threatening her. She was terrified to say the least, but she followed him into another confrontation! And all she kept saying was that he was a poor father because he had his child in the car the whole time.... but she did too! She could have left the situation and moved on when the opportunity allowed, but she followed him and created another problem. So who is the bad parent in all of this? Both of them! When your kids are around, lead by example, and if someone's harrassing you it's called being the bigger person.

I just worry that so many people are reliant on the rest of the world to raise their kids that our kids are not being raised. If the radio show you listen to has inappropriate language on it, change the station. There are child friendly stations like Disney on any AM radio.

If you're watching a TV show that has nudity or foul language (or the infamous nip slip) change it to a show that the whole family can watch.

My son knows what curse words are and he respects that he is not to use them. Thankfully, I've never had to wash his mouth out but he knows I would if choose to make it an issue.

It just makes me worry what this world is coming to...

First Trimetser

Although my first trimester is not entirely over, according to my doctor it's about to be done with. I have been basically suffering these past three months and I can't wait to feel slightly human again. I'm kind of done with the headaches and the nausea. I have a little bump and I know it's not just fat and me being overexcited. My stomach was pretty flat before I got pregnant. Not in the "I have 6-pack abs" way but in the "my stomach doesn't overhang my pants" way. Anyways....

Yesterday was pretty much a bomb of a day for us. It was supposed to be a nice relaxing day where my husband and I could run errands together with no kids.... however.... Everywhere we went, it was one issue after another and by the end of the day I was so done. Ugh!

So we went to my doctor's appointment all angry and just stressed... and there on the ultrasound was our little peanut! Just bouncing around like crazy! At first he (I say he until we know otherwise) just sat real still so we could see his little body and then he went nuts! He was jumping and flipping and kicking and everything. It was so exciting to see. I never got to see my baby boy like that. My doctor started getting a little impatient with our little jumping bean and he said "If it would just settle down so we could see his heartbeat." What does he do? He stops immediately and rotates so we can see his chest clearly. How cute is that? He sat still the whole time the doc was counting his beats... and he's perfect!

Most of our fears of this being a molar (or a partial molar) are alleviated. Our risk factor has gone down dramatically. I'm still considered high risk but we can all breathe a little easier now.

And some of my fears about how my son is going to deal with the new baby are eased now too. We told him we would get to see the baby yesterday and he started cheering that we were bringing home the baby....Um, not quite. He was dissapointed that he had to wait until May to see his little brother (or sister) and he started clapping when he saw the ultrasound. Whew! Another worry down...

My youngest step-daughter is the next. She says she wants to be a part of this whole baby experience with us, even going as far as to say she wanted to be woken in the middle of night to search out whatever I was craving but..... (big but).... she keeps getting these attitude spurts. Last time we had her, no big, all went great, this time, she wouldn't stop picking on my son. It was non-stop from the moment she arrived until she left. And she knows better and we haven't had this issue for almost three years... why now? We keep asking her what's up but she keeps telling us she's so happy and she loves hanging with us and all the fun stuff we do... I know there's more but I can't crack it.

I'm beyond excited for Halloween! My sis-in-law has never been trick-or-treating so she's flying down to help us take all the kids. My awesome mom-in-law is going to hang at our house and give out candy. I already helped pick out all the kids costumes and I can't wait to see them all in their make-up and everything!!!

If you'll excuse me, I have to go eat... again...

I Know

This has been just rotating in my head for a very long time. I have been just dying to tell a specific person, "I Know."

I think this drama has been going on for way too long but through all of it, I am sitting here biting my tongue trying not to say, "I know."

So here it is, here's the spiel.

Sadly enough, this began two years ago and it began with myspace.

Eww, I hate writing that...

A certain person wanted to know what I was writing about them (at the time, that would be nothing) so they thought they were a super genius and created a fake profile (wow, no one's done that before).

Imagine my "surprise" when an old friend from middle school asked to be my friend.

*Warning*

(this is so sarcasm)

I had no idea it could be her.

*Warning*

This person had no picture, couldn't describe themselves, my school, or me. Hello, I had pink hair! Really?

From the moment the friend request for "Jeffrey Connors" came in, I knew it was her. I accepted it and just messed her head all up. I put up fake blogs, wrote back to her like I had no idea. I kept deleting her so that she had to keep asking to be my friend. I "leaned on" her for support during this very difficult situation.

Hahahahahahahahaha... idiot.

The whole time she's crowing to her friends about how smart she is, which makes it even funnier.

So, I can finally get it off my chest, out in the open....

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.....

Yay Hoo Mt Dew!!

So We're actually pregnant with a baby!!!

We are beyond happy and excited (and I'm a little freaked out, too)!!

The doctor says we're about 7 weeks but we think we're about 5 weeks. I'm just so glad that we were able to see the baby on the ultrasound, and we even got to see his heartbeat (which is perfect)!!

I have all day sickness but as long as I eat at decent times I can pretty much override it. So it's not going to be as easy as it was with my boy (which was no sickness at all), but it shouldn't be as bad as I've heard of it being.

I'm a little worried about how the kids are going to take it, but so far they seem ok. My baby bug won't have any serious issues until I'm in my eighth month, when the baby is kicking and moving and getting more attention than him. My youngest step daughter says she's ok-ish. She's worried there won't be any time for her and her dad after the baby is born. We tried to assure her but the only way we can prove it is after the baby is born. We're trying to include her in everything but it's kind of hard to right now.

We had our talk last week and she said that she was angry and scared cause she found a pregnancy test. I don't fully believe her but if she doesn't tell us what really is bothering her than we can't fix it.

My dad is back to saying he wants to move in with us. I don't know if I should start making the plans to re-arrange the house again or if I shouldn't bother until the last minute. Our little grape baby does not like stress so I'm trying to stay as mellow as I can. I'm not worrying over any of the things I used to, and my love and I are just going with the flow and taking it all one day at a time.

My belly is still pretty flat. I haven't gained too much weight which is nice, so far, but I know I'll soon have to expand my pant size. My hips are widening and my belly is rounding out.

I'm totally craving Pizza and Baked potatoes!!!

You'll have to excuse I have to go lie down, so not feeling the greatest right now...

Altogether now

I believe that time has completely stopped for me. I feel like I have been waiting months for my next doctor's appointment when it's only been two weeks (can we re-calculate that?).

I'm not normally so impatient (pssh, lie) but this is something no one should have to wait to know. Am I pregnant with a baby or is it cancer? Kind of one extreme to another, huh?

I'm trying not to get excited and start making plans for a new arrival but how can I help it?

We know where we're going to put all the furniture, like the crib and changing table. We know what style we want. We even know what themes we want to use... We just need to know if we'll be laying down a sleeping baby or a cancerous tumor in the crib.

Panic, worry, stress.

I have a temper ( I know, duh) but I have been so good about being nice and not snapping at people. No really, I have. My strange cravings are starting to kick in. I want steak and chicken real bad right now. My weight gaining has stopped for the time being but that's fine with me for now.

But while I pace the floor waiting to know where our future lies, my youngest step-daughter has developed a certain attitude...

I don't really know how best to describe it but it's like she think she's entitled to something and she's not getting it. And while i know she's about to hit the lovely teen years of mood swings, I feel as if there's something more under the surface.

This weekend was the worse of her behavior with her volunteering to help around the house and then doing a sloppy job. When we corrected her, she starts sputtering excuses about how she didn't know (it's dusting, really?) and how if we allowed her to watch my son more often this wouldn't be a problem... .... .... ... uh, what?

How does that even relate?

We had to remind her that we offered for her to watch him and she refused. But what does this have to do with dusting? I'm still confused...

My step-daughter is a great kid and I love her to bits (most parents and step parents would kill to have a kid this good) but she has this communication problem where she starts acting out with back talk, laziness and rudeness when she has a problem on her mind. One that usually centers around me. But I don't know what I did this time!

Looking back over the weekend, she asked for a $400-$500 laptop and I told her no but that we would look into it when she went to high school. She seemed a little upset that she couldn't get it but appeared to be ok with it. Then she went to her maternal grandparents house for a party and comes back with *viola* attitude... Kind of makes me wonder what her interpretation is of how things about the laptop panned out.

I am a little frustrated and more than slightly confused. I know that we have to do the sit and talk thing... again.

In all honesty sometimes I feel like I'm not allowed to correct her. And if I had the audacity to do so then all hell would break loose. Cause then she goes back to her mom and sister and tells them something like I'm just randomly mean to her or I pick on her. Then they think that she's miserable the whole time she's at our house. It's like she's doing this little manipulative game. Playing parents against each other (knowing there's just enough previous drama and misguided feelings to encourage it). Telling us how much fun she had the whole weekend and how she couldn't wait to come back and then crying home about how all we do is demean her.

I just wish the bull between the two families would stop. It's too much. The angry oldest step daughter and the ex who refuses to openly communicate.

And in the middle of all of it is a little girl. Trapped between almost having to choose sides. Choose which parent she loves more than the other. We do all we can to make sure that she's comfortable and that she's included. Especially when making family decisions.

Oh frick, can't we just get along?

What Do I Do With This?

I love this photo.

I love how it captures the body of a real woman who's given birth.

I hate that there are so many small minded people that this picture being in a magazine has actually caused controversy.

But that's not my point for today...

I'm pregnant...

But don't bust out the trumpets yet...

I don't know what I'm pregnant with. Is it a baby? A cancerous grape cluster? Half baby, half grape tumor?

When do we get to find out? How does at least another three weeks sound to you?

I am so frustrated right now because I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know if I should start nurturing the growth inside me and allow my dream to be annihilated if I have to have (another) D&C? Or do I just accept the fact that I have another molar pregnancy and wait for the phone call to schedule my operation?

I can't talk to anyone about this yet because we're not trying to get anyone excited but we're also not trying to have our family worried (again) about my health.

But more than anything I can't stop going back and forth on what I want. I totally don't want to go through all the molar drama again but are we ready for a baby?

I mean, it's been 7 years since I had my boy and twelve years since my husband had a newborn to care for. Are we ready to be "new" parents again? The sleepless nights, the late night feedings, the endless crying, the piles of mess, do we really want to take that on again?

Or are we insane for trying to deny that we've wanted a baby for the past two years and this would complete our happy little family? I mean, aren't the dirty diapers worth that first giggle? Or the first time the little one holds your pinkie? Or the tired little yawns?

See what I mean?

Back and forth...

What happened to my being able to get pregnant on the drop of the hat? I was the healthy one, the one with not a single problem during pregnancy (my ex and his shenanigans do not count), the one that carried for exactly nine months to the day...

And now I might be "High risk"?

Okay, honestly, screw all the logical thought process...

I want to be pregnant with a baby and whether it be high risk, or forced bed rest I want to go through it. I want this and I know my husband does and I know that regardless of what we go through, we're doing it together and as long as I have my husband by my side... Bring it on....

Oh, golly that feels so good to get out!

Worry Wart

I can't get over how good looking my husband is...

Isn't he goofy?

My birthday present to him was another tattoo, so on Saturday he finally got to go in and get it inked. His next one will be after he successfully completes his Silverman in November.

So my grandmother is in the hospital. She had a stroke and lost more than eighty percent of her vision. And half my family has taken is upon themselves to guilt me into calling her. Seeing as how I wasn't the one that choose to stop talking to her, I don't see why I have to be the one to call her. I know I'm being petty and I know that I'll end up calling her but it is so frustrating that I have a family full of grown up children. I'm constantly the "bigger person" and apologizing for things I never did wrong. Which is probably the reason why I've grown into such a push-over.

My mom is just a mess and when things go wrong for her who does she turn her anger to? Me! So I get the lovely "I'm respecting your wishes by not talking to you but.." phone calls. I don't know what wishes she's talking about but sure, whatever. My dad joins in with his version of the guilt trip. He gives the "Since I recently lost my mother, I don't have her to be mad at me". Really? Cause if she were alive you'd rather she hold grudges against you for reasons that only make sense to her and then blame you for any fall-out? That seems to be a favorite in my family. The "I'm mad at you and I'm not talking to you and I'm not going to give you a real reason why but how dare you not talk to me" Let me know when that actually makes sense. Family is everything to me because I know what it's like not to have any, to be completely abandoned by them all. Even the mother who swears she loves you. That's why I try not to interfere with my step-kid's relationship with her mom. They're very close and I try not to tread.

My mother has created so many issues and has been so abusive to me for so many years that this one incident I'm not letting go and pretending it didn't happen. Which is what I'm guessing she wants to do since she made such an ass out of herself.

And to make it just a little more stressful, my step-girl is losing weight incredibly fast. She's naturally skinny (prob a high metabolism and growing an inch a month helps) but she's done almost 20 pounds in 3 months. I don't think she has a specific eating disorder but she says that she doesn't eat because she's scared the food will make her sick... Did I mention she was a hypochondriac? I'm incredibly worried about her and I'm at a loss as to what to do to help. I'm used to girls with anorexia and bulimia. I've suffered them myself. But this is a whole other field. We're going to have to find a solution soon or she's going to end up in the hospital.

Worry, worry, worry.

What A Joke

So I officially have a prank caller.

Which I think is the most hysterical thing ever.

I wish ya'll could hear these calls because the noises this person makes are nothing short of an art form. The pretending to "Butt Dial" not that smart, the voicemail messages give that away. But the snorking like a pig is pure genius! I can't even begin to try to recreate these sounds because I have no where near that talent. I wish I could though, because it is too funny. While the pig snorts are my favorites, the blowing of "Jingle Bells" into the mouthpiece is a very close second. At least I think it's that, the caller gets a little confused or something towards the end.

The funny thing is that my new prankster friend thinks they're so smart by blocking their number, but their number shows up on my bill. So I know who they are... But they don't know that I know and that makes even funnier. I get this picture in my head of my caller dialing my number at 2am, a little smirk on their face, thinking they're so freakin smart. Too funny!

I'd just block the calls but it's too much fun not to let it continue.

I wonder what's next...

Silly Billy, lost his Willy

I am in one those random moods today. I am too tired to think all that clearly and I just want to laugh. It's all been too stressful lately and I just want to relax.

Don't you just love the goofs I work with? With the job we do, you have to let loose every now and then. I hate when things slow down because I don't have anyhting to do but be bored but I love it because it almost seems like we've all lost our minds. Laminating cockroaches, throwing peppers around the office, racing rolling chairs down the hall. It's even funnier when you get caught.
One guy (above) would get a woman who would call, ask some basic work related questions and then start telling him how bad she needed him. The look on his face, totally priceless.
I'm lucky enough to be one of the few people that love their jobs. I really don't like waking up early in the mornings or trying to find a sitter, but I love coming to work and learning new things about a vocation the mass majority of people know nothing about.

Of course, there's always "The Chive" my new favorite website, to keep us entertained. Bunch of funny pictures of anything and everything stupid. Inclusind the "Demotivational Posters", Love those! And when that gets old? Hulu.com of course! My Ariel Key! My Honey Bear got it made for me! Is he not the sweetest?

So apparently I get to gain inches around my waist (just my waist) but loose weight. Is this part of the whole "Be careful what you wish for" hoopla? I just wanted to loose some of the weight from the molar fiasco, maybe not look pregnant anymore, and ta-da! I have. I'm down ten pounds. And I'm up two pant sizes! Still look pregnant, too (cause that's so helping my whole get over it thing). What the heck?

I am not obsessed with my weight like most women seem to be. I'm not rushing out to buy only organic and exercising every time I seem to find a bit of flab on my butt. I am very happy with my looks, stretch marks and all. I'm not tight and taut but I like being fleshy. I have large breasts, long forever legs and sizable hips so it's not like I'm going to be a size 2 any time soon, so why bother? I'm healthy (yeah, except the mole which has nothing to do with this) and my husband loves it. Besides when I was skinny, I was always sick.
So what's with this fat but not fat schtick going on here? Do I exercise to get rid of the pudge and loose the pant size (and more weight that I can't afford) or sit on it and hopes it just magically falls off (which has happened in the past)?

Screw it, where's my donuts?

Moving Moving Movin

Ugh! Moving day was way too hard. I have never been so sore or tired. I probably have but I'm too busy exaggerating right now. It took One 24 foot truck and three runs with the car but the condo is cleared and officially gone! Yay-Hoo!

We got the kitchen unpacked and looking like a real home. I got to freak out for three days because I thought I lost one of th emost important kitchen boxes. You know, the one with the dinner plates and drinking glasses in it. I finally found it last night, at 10:30! But I found it so no complaining.
The poor babies were all such troopers. They were just dropping like flies at one point. Sleeping where they lay. Isn't it amazing how they can sleep anywhere, at any time? I was vacuuming in the other room, right next door and he was zonked.

Tonight we have to work on setting up the computer and the rest of our room...
Our room, oh what a dream!
We have this huge massive bed, that typically takes up the mass majority of our room. We set it up last night and then looked around. We couldn't believe that we had enough room to stand on each side of the bed and spin with our arms outstretched. How cool is that?

Of course, no successful moving day is complete without minor drama. I'm still confused as to how it got so complicated but why on my moving day? I'm already stressing on making sure the day goes smooth and then this person has to go and cause speed bumps?
I'm over it now. Kind of.

Bleh

Monk

Self-Portrait of a Monk

My Baby Bug stole my phone. Decided to take almost forty pictures with it. I guess he's a photographer too?

I don't know what quite to think about him. He cries during a gun fight on Wanted (I cried too but only because the movie was so horrible) but then wants to buy Cloverfield because he feels bad for the alien monsters.
The dog next door barks. A lot. It's some mean looking pit or bull dog or something. Nothing we do can make the evil thing shut up. My son strolls up to it. Growls like a T-Rex and the dog just sat and stared at him. He doesn't bark at him anymore.

Then there's his "Brother named Simon". My Goo-boo and him are twin brothers. My son is 6, his brother named Simon is 30 last time we checked (??). Apparently, according to my boy, his brother named Simon created the Earth and all that is on it. He created it for all of to live on and be happy. So I'm guessing my son's imaginary friend is God?
He's asked that we start praying before we eat dinner and asks questions about why Jesus was crucified (he actually knew that word!) and if we could move into the clouds to live with them.
My family and I are not religious people. We're not church goers and we really don't crucifixes lying around the house. I have no idea where he's getting this information and it's kind of weird. So now we call him the monk.
He even shaved his head.


I don't understand possesive jealousy.
My boss once talked to an ex-girlfriend. Merely platonic. And his wife not only freaked out on him but called this woman up and ripped her a new one. Basically he was no longer to have any relationship with another female (other than his mom) without her permission. I don't understand it.
My husband's ex destroyed all his photos of his girlfriends past.
She tried to make me angry, it was really funny.
She sent a bunch of photos from their wedding and honeymoon. About a week later, she calls and says "I'm so sorry, there were pictures from our honeymoon in there. Oh, I hope she wasn't jealous."
My husband smiled, "Nope, she made them into a scrapbook."

Your past is your past, and it's over. Accept, move on.

Today

I am still laughing... Can't catch my breath! I love it!

This is the view from our new house. No ugly freakin casinos blocking it.

Today is my HoneyBear's birthday!

Happy Birthday Love!

Other than that, not really doing much today.

Just helping the boss use FB to spy on his wife (who isn't doing anything but it's funny).

I think that after all that's happened this past year or more I am fully an expert on FB and myspace ( I know, whoo, talent).

Oh and the new phones are not as cool as I thought they would be... disappointed.

But tomorrow I'm moving so I'm over it!