Happy (Almost) 9 Months!

Dearest Chunko,
You are insane... I have never seen a baby with an agenda as long as yours and with so much destruction to cause. You are so lucky I love following in your path, Hurricane Chunko!

You have so many new things I can't even begin to keep track of it all, but here's a small sample:

I tried to teach you sign language.... FAIL.

I showed you "please" and you took that to mean "Smack Moo in the chest if you want something and you're not getting it fast enough"

You also thought "Thank you" was "Smack Moo in the face... just for fun"

You've grasped "more"... kind of. You clap your hands if you want more. Which isn't always food. If you want more TV remote time, you clap. If you want to wrestle longer, you clap. If you want to play in the bath longer, you clap. If you want to watch "Glee" longer, you clap...

You think you can type on the computer. As I sit at the desk trying to finish my course tests, your little hand snakes up and starts stretching to type on the keys. So now my Facebook status updates look like
"Had a great ksfhksljhfkljhgk

vbnmcbouoejklfms

f,khfksdjhfklsjhdfklshfksdfowqoLA;54

6541146465413131

3136

46"

You are a total Choco-Head. You need to go sign up for CHA (Choco-Head Anonymous). You will eat chocolate until you vomit and then eat more. You will fight, scratch and scream if you even think someone has chocolate and is not sharing. You look for scraps of chocolate and I'm sure that if we let you, you would eat the wrappers that these delicious treats come in.

If you are busy playing and ignoring us calling your name, we'll call out "Chocolate" and you will come running. Like mad dash, screeching and hollering, racing through the house, running.

You have discovered the new joy of opening cabinets, drawers and the holiest of them all... The Fridge. You've learned that behind these doors, are all sorts of things that you are forbidden from... which makes them so much more fun! You'll snatch a bowl and take off with it.

*giggle*

*clomp*

*scritch*

*clomp*

*squeal*

Love it! Madly in love with it! Except when you think that the beer bottles at the bottom of the fridge are the thing you MUST have. Not enjoying that as much.

But you opening the little cabinet and smooshing your face on the glass to make pig noses... Love that. The cabinet is still empty since you think you are the hulk reincarnate and shake it and try to knock it over... Thanks for that...

Speaking of the Hulk... You move furniture around (old trick, new reason) because you've realized how easy it is to climb on the couch (or reach the remote) if you are standing on something. You think you deserve to travel up and down the stairs as you wish. But you haven't quite realized that you can't. You got to play on the steps at the theater last night and that was the light of your life (until we shared a nutty bar after dinner).

You are determined to chew on our cable remote and will do whatever it takes to taste its sweet colors if only for another second. You now know that chewing on the DVD remote makes the TV do funny things and makes Moo and Daddy very angry... Which makes it so much more fun. You know which end to chew on to get it to do the most and watches for it to respond to your teethy commands.

PS, how did you find the Jewish Channel?!?!?!? We didn't even know there was one!

You do not like other people taking baths without you. The bathtub is yours and while you don't mind sharing, you must be allowed in. I tried to take a nice peaceful bath after a very long day and even let you tickle your fingers in the water. You seemed satisfied with that for all of two minutes... Then you tried dipping your binky in the water. We thought that was gross, so we took it from you. Then you decided to try to sneak socks into the water. When the three socks you stole were taken away, you threw a fit and grabbed a pair of underwear. You dragged them to the tub, evil grinned at me, and threw them in. As I scrambled to find the dirty panties in my now ruined bath, you were off to grab another pair to bombard me with. I don't know what your goal was, but it ended with me getting out and you not getting bath time... Meanie

You are a tattletale. I never thought a kid who can't even speak could tattle but you somehow manage it.

Here is how you do it:

1. If you feel slighted or offended, run to Moo or Daddy

2. Stand up and grab their pants leg

3. Scream as if you're hurt and shake them for attention

4. When you have their attention, glare at the offender

5. Make sure Moo/ Daddy know who you are glaring at

6. Cry again to make sure they know you are upset

7.Glare one last time

You have now officially tattled

You hate wearing socks, your new shoes and eating marinara sauce. You love Alfredo (especially at Olive Garden) just like Moo does and you love pasta... But not red sauces. That's ok, you'll grow into that when you're older.

You have a temper and a mean streak. If you're mad, or if we are torturing you with kisses you will pinch or pull hair. You even know to sneak your little arms around my neck and pull the baby hair back there to give it an extra kick... Have I said you're a meanie, yet?

My all-time favorite thing that you are doing now is..... WALKING!!!!!!!!!

You are a on the go superstar!!!!!!!!

You've been walking for about two weeks now and you are now an expert on the whole gig now.

It is so weird to see you stand up without any help and walk around. You don't fall after a step or two and you have even conquered standing while picking up objects and staying up! You rarely crawl unless you feel like you need to be somewhere fast and you're not getting there fast enough by walking. We bought you shoes so we could walk around outside but you hate the shoes and feel they are too heavy to walk in. Maybe they are, but that's the only way you're going out the front door, dirty foot.

I am just fascinated but watching you and it freaks me out every time you walk across the house or just around the living room... You are truly amazing!

Happy (almost) 9 months cuddle bug!!!!!!!!

 

Dear Rihanna

Dear Rihanna,

          Ever since your big smack down a couple years ago, you have been bugging the living shell fish out me. I'm sure that business is thriving the more you play up the "Good girl, gone bad" bull but it's so old now. Every song you release is about how you "Like the way it hurts" or "Chains and whips excite you"... If it weren't for your face being pummeled your music wouldn't be so obnoxious but since it did happen, it's just a constant reminder of something no one wants to care about anymore. 

         We've all seen the pictures, we all know you were hurt really bad but how can one truly have sympathy if your next move is "Hit me, spank me, pull my hair" (wrong artist but same gist)?
         As someone that was in an abusive relationship, both mentally and physically I get the need to get out and move on... It's been told a million times that you gave as good as you got and you deserve props for that but you're forgetting the "move on" step. 

         Here's my theory though (I know we all have one): I think you liked to be knocked around and you liked to do a little of the knocking. I believe that was part of the thrill of your relationship with Chris was that you guys got to throw down and then rock it out. I think that's why you never fully pressed charges against him. I think he just went a little too far and you had to step out of the limo and things went awry after that.  I believe that America's pseudo bad girl couldn't be into S&M, being hurt and dominated so they had to spin it into the longest story of abuse ever.

         My point on it all is just to shout "Cut the Crap!!!!"

       
You're music is repetitive at best, it sticks and burrows in your brain like a parasite. It used to be good, but maybe Chris knocked the musician out of you... I wonder if you even know how to make a song not about getting smacked or used? What happened to RiRi? What happened to Pom De Replay, SOS or Shut Up & Drive???? Shoot I'll even give you Umbrella which is basically a car alarm with a beat...

          I am about 4 seconds away from becoming a hermit just so I don't have to listen to that damn "Love the way you lie" one more effing time!

PS, at no point do I condone abuse. I just fully believe that if you are abused and you manage to escape that your next twelve thousand songs should not be about how you like to be hurt... 

 PPS, I really really love your yellow polka dot bodysuit in your new video... I actually like your new video... Too bad it's tainted

PPPS, Can I have your shoes and pink popcorn? 

Progress-ish (OK, Not Really)

So, I made some lame promises to myself and I am doing a preeeetty bad job of doing them.

I am such a procrastinator, yeesh!

1. Getting to 150 - Yeah, I'm stuck. I've plateaued again at 170 and I can't seem to drop! I am frustrated and I am MAD...

But only at myself. I have reduced my food portions, eating slightly better foods and exercising  I move around a lot at work. I have been putting it off but it looks like I am going to have to become best friends with Jillian. We'll probably end up having to hang out at least three days a week and eventually work up to five... Bleh...

On the plus side, I guess, I have developed some muscle. My arms are hecka strong and my thighs are almost back to their old selves... Slap me in a bikini and call me Scary.. Yikes!


2 through 4 - I haven't even thought of starting this but I have a feeling I'll be putting off Jillian in order to scrapbook... A LOT.... Why? Cause I am uber lazy...


5. Showering my love with attention and affection - Yeah, I suck at this. I am nowhere near the romantic type and I am not doing a good job...

Any helpful hints? How do you love your lover?
|

6. Paying off our debts - We both have improved credit scores, so we're doing a major good job there! We have a plan and if we could find a relative willing to loan us $100,00 we'd be set! Anybody? Hmmm... Silence? Nobody? Fine!

7. I have one more square to do on our garage. I cleaned out our tools (5 frickin boxes!!!) and narrowed it down to 3...

Seriously Love, why do we need the oil changing do-hickey if you never change your own oil and you don't own that particular car anymore? Oh, just in case, got it! And the round turny thingamajig? The one you can't even name but have a strong desire to keep? Oh, just in case, too... Ugh, men!


8. Quit obsessing over people and things I cannot control... I am bombing this completely! The other shoe is going to drop, I know it is and it's haunting me. It's been so bad in the past and I'm worrying myself to bits and pieces that our peaceful co-existence is going to break and turn into another battle with blood and maimed people... again. Can I get another order of Kool-Aid over here???????


9. I always do what I can to mend fences... I do this subconsciously so I think I'm doing ok here.

Anyone I angered lately? Wanna talk it out?

Wanna hug it out?


10. I actually bought little cards that I can print my own personal messages on! I am so close to actually being awesome enough to do this! I have a plan, a template on the computer, clip art (who doesn't love clip art????) and people's addresses. I am obviously behind by a month but those whose birthdays I've missed I'm thinking they should get a random "Happy Halloween cause you're awesome!" card... If you want to be added, send me your addy and special occasion (I also acknowledge anniversaries) and I will send you one! It'll be easy once I actually start (at least that's what they keep saying)


It's only February (pssstttt, Valentine's day is coming up, helpful love hints would be great right about now)
so I have plenty of time to work on my photo books and scrapbooking... I have another 3 months to work on my weight (trying to hit 150 before the big first birthday so I can binge on cake!!!!!!!!) sooooooooooooooooooooooooo yeah...





PS, my baby can walk... WTF?!?!?!?