I Apparently Do Negotiate With Terrorists

We celebrated the marriage of this wonderful couple and I got to take pictures of their wedding.
It was an adventure and not without it's (hysterical) hitches but most importantly, the bride was stunning and the groom was handsome and they were happily married at the end of the day.

I cannot wait til you guys get to see the pictures!!! I hope you love them like we do!!!

 I was worried at the beginning but my sister and I were able to pull of some very miraculous moves and with the success of our tap-dancing, the day went well.

(*side note* If the daughter of the bride is there, allow her to input and never ever ever say that she is only there to take pictures... That's her daughter, her blood. Period *)
The decorations were beautifully done and the bride is very lucky to have such wonderful friends who were able to help her set up and take down.

We watched the couple exchange vows, joined in their joys during the reception and partied hard during the BBQ after. It was so much fun and I wish we could do this more often. Nothing beats a wedding followed by a down home country BBQ.

We traveled 8 hours there and 11 hours back.
I have to say that Chunko is nowhere near a good car baby. He was done after the first hour and when we wouldn't release him, he took a nap... When he woke up still in the carseat is when all hell broke loose.

There was nothing we could do to make this poor child happy.
I have to admit I went so far as to bribe him with sodas, slushies, chips, my cell phone. Whatever to make him stop yelling at us.

We survived, barely, but the day after we got home, Chunko wanted nothing to do with the car. NOTHING.

We did find a really cute mini-amusement park in Phoenix called Castles and Coasters. We thought it was just a fun little mini golf course but when we pulled in, there were zip lines, obstacle courses, 2 coasters, 4 mini-golf courses, bumper cars, bumper boats and so much more!!!

We didn't have a lot of time to play this time but we're definitely planning a future escape there and soon.

We made a huge financial decision this week and have begun the journey of fixing our monies so we can buy our dream home and take that trip to DisneyWorld like we want. Very scary but very exciting all in one.

Still nothing from my love's oldest. He tried and now it's time to accept it as it is and understand that this is how she wants it. Sucks but what more can you do, right?

I was really mad about my recent sudden weight gain but I learned it's because I am re-building muscle. It's so awesome! I am almost back to my original strength before a certain godzilla baby zapped it. I've been steady with my Zumba and I make it a point to do another activity throughout the week to keep me from vegging like I so very much want to.

Fart Bone's teacher pissed me off by rescheduling our parent teacher conference without choosing to let me know. So I show up after taking an hour off of work to find her long gone... B(ew)itch.

Aside from that, Fart Bone is soaring above the other kids in his class and his test scores are off the charts. His desk is messy but if that's her only complaint with him, I'm okay with that.

(actually his desk is worthy of being shut down as a hazard to human health)

He's also reading on a fifth grade level! Go Fart Bone!

Chunko learned the hard way not to plug in my straightening iron. He burned his wee little fingers and, of course, blames me. He didn't talk to me for over an hour. We've made up (cause I have candy) and are back to our usual. He has started calling Auntie "No Mama" and likes to tease his daddy by calling him "Ga Ga."

He's talking so much more and when he chooses not to speak, he's still communicating to the point where we can clearly understand his wants.

He can now open the fridge and plugged in the waffle iron yesterday.
He is strongwilled and very determined to do as he wishes. He is unbelievably strong and sometimes it's a very real struggle to get something from him if he doesn't want to give it up.

My step girl is dating a douche.

(If you're reading this, he's a douche)

That's not fair... I'm sure he is a very respectable young man who cherishes her beauty and humor. I'm sure he writes her sweet nothings and uses his FB page as an outlet for his douchery (<--- is that a word cause it shoudl be).
Hopefully she moves on soon... It is super scary being the step-parent to a teenage girl... Can we fast forward to when she's 28 (and a virgin) and happily marries a millionaire who adores her and kisses the ground she walks on?

What do you mean that's not realistic???

This week brings Fart Bone's 9th birthday (Holy Shit, you're 9!!??!!??), Halloween party at my sister's house (so excited), meeting up with my Vegas May Mommy (who we' haven't met up in way too long), and my super amazing uber awesome Mother-In-Law's birthday!

Righteous, party on, Excellent!!!

The Joys of Sick Children

We all know what a stubborn butt strong willed child Chunko can be but I have learned today that he becomes demon spawn when he's sick.

We had to take our poor little baby to the doctor today and found out he has croup. He's having a hard time breathing when he gets riled up but other than a really horrible cough, he's been doing okay. The doctor warned us that tonight would tell the story, though. He said it might get so bad that we have to take him to the ER for breathing trouble (dear Lord, not another one. Once was enough for me) but if we make it through then we're good.

Which is why I am trying not to kill him...

We have been fighting since he woke up this morning. I am trying to be understanding that he is not feeling good but he keeps arguing with me! He was throwing powerades and sippy cups at me because I was trying to explain to him that the juice tastes the same whether it's in the Cars sippy or in the yellow one!!

He refused to let me put his shirt on because he felt he needed to wear the blue Air Force shirt and not the orange surfer one.

He refused to get out of the car until he managed to buckle his car seat at least twice.

I stepped away to grab something and came back into the living room... and slipped on something gooey on the floor! I freaked out thinking it might be poop but it was dish soap.

Wait a minute... isn't the dish soap on the kitchen counter, safely set back so the baby can't reach it?
Well it was 5 minutes ago, where is it now?
I walk over to where I had left it and found that Chunko had pushed the kid's table over to the sink, climbed up, grabbed the soap and ran away, spilling the proof everywhere... Oiy!

I didn't even know he could do that now!!

Right now we're fighting over the laptop. He feels the need to update my status with his little blueberry stained fingers and I think he just deleted my desktop icons.

I'm going to go and probably lose this fight...

School Picture Training

Fart Bone's school is having picture day this week.
He has become quite the notorious picture taker with his bug-eyed creepster smile and his "What did you just call me" and his "I am smiling" looks from previous years.
We thought that it would be helpful if we practiced a few poses to help him understand what would be best...


We were wrong.


First he pulled a pose and I asked him what he was doing wrong and he said "Oh, yeah, my neck. Must have my neck." (apparently he's been watching waaaaayyyyy too much America's Next Top Model)
And so we got this:

 We told him that maybe he should tweak it a little and try lifting his chin or something
And so we got this:

 Then he got bored with looking nice.
He thought that a "shuffle dance" would be a better pose.
And so we got this:

 I told him that this was his best one yet.
So then he tried charging the camera
And so we got this:

And now I am concerned that I am going to get a phone call from his school telling me that Fart Bone charged the camera and now the photographer refuses to shoot the rest of the kids and is demanding hazard pay...

Maybe that would be a good thing.

I could totally step in and take the school photos.
Oh, dearest sister of mine, we may have work to do...


I'm hoping that they let him do one of these poses because if I am paying abagazillion dollars for school pictures then I better get something that I will enjoy looking at.

School Zone Stupids

What is it about a school zone that turns people into such morons?
Speeding through a school zone and whipping past an 8 year old in a crosswalk seems like the best way to start your morning? Parking your car in a turn lane so no one can safely turn and letting your kids out of the car seems like a good idea?

While risking your child's life and your car, you stop in the middle of the road, let your kids out and manage to teach them a lesson that it's okay to break the law as long as it's more convenient for you.

The drop off is on the other side of the sidewalk, a quick loop away... and you can't manage to drive it... for your kid's safety????

A few weeks ago, the was a car illegally parked, with engine running and a child sleeping in the back. The parent was nowhere to be found for over 10 minutes!!! I waited and I knocked on the glass to see if a parent was lying low or I just couldn't see one. Nothing. This parent had no idea a stranger was knocking on their car. Who would have stopped someone from hopping in and driving off? I called the cops, yes sir I did. How dare you leave your sleeping child alone in a running car, you effing idiot?!?!?!

I am begging you, please slow down in the school zones!!!! They are not that long and it only takes a minute off your day. Please drop your kids off in the drop off area and not let them out in the middle of the street. That is dangerous for your child and it is rude to other parents waiting behind you. If there is a pedestrian in the crosswalk, do not drive through it until the person is on the sidewalk.
These are laws!!! These are rules put out there for you and your family's safety.

Is your busy morning, rushing off to work/ school/ coffee date/ latest TV show worth your child being hurt? Are they worth you hitting someone elses child?
Just because you think it couldn't happen to you, it could.
Have a little courtesy, please for the love of all that is holy.



If not, I'll find you... and I'll call the PO-PO on you., cause I am super mean like that.




SLOW DOWN!!!!

In The Center of Havoc

First of all, I have to say that Jell-O cups with peaches in the bottom is super delicious and should be outlawed for being so darn good!

Okay, so I now that I've managed to put down my fifth cup of Jell-O fruit thing, I can catch you up...

My step girl disappeared on Monday after school. Her phone battery was dead and she forgot to remind an adult that she had an after school meeting. So, 3:30 rolls around and no one knows where's she's at. A few hours of massive panic attack. But she was found safe at home, eventually.

While that was uber scary, some good came from it. My love spoke with his oldest multiple times and things were good. They even saw each other, in person, and had a nice simple conversation. He told me that he felt like they both had something to say but just couldn't. He really misses her (don't tell him I'm telling you, he'll smack me for my over sharing). He decided to ask her to lunch to see if they could repair some of the damage from these past few years... But no answer back.

Which doesn't surprise either of us but is still very disheartening. It seemed like this could be it, the time where good could start. I understand not being ready. I understand not wanting to talk yet. But I am so mad that she couldn't even write an "I'm just not ready yet" or "I'm sorry, but no" or even a "Piss off" response back. Anything. I know he's hurt and it just makes me so angry at how unfair this all is. He doesn't deserve this, he never has. Hopes have been dashed.

That was the emotional drama this week (not really drama but the saga continues).

We also had our house re-piped. Initially, when they came in for the inspection, they made everything sound so easy. Move a couple of things, we'll cover other things in plastic, four days max, bada bing, bada boom. I don't know why I didn't grasp how intrusive it would. The night before my loving sister and BHBIL had us over for a yummy pasta dinner. Chunko fed their rat dog some noodles. It was really nice of them. The next morning, at 7am, the plumbers arrived. It was like a destruction ballet. They were so synchronized. Next thing we know our house is covered completely in plastic and our home is off limits. Hello, all of the piping is being replaced! Not going to be a quick, neat, unnoticeable thing! These guys were amazing though. They had the pipes replaced and the walls repainted by Friday evening and you couldn't tell they had ever been there. We've been avoiding our house for four days and eating out a lot. It's been horrible. So glad to have it over and done with.

I'm mad at myself. I'm gaining weight (up 10 pounds) and I can't seem to stop it. I know we've been eating fast food a lot but I was gaining before that. Oddly, I seem to have a lot of pregnancy symptoms. And I'm not pregnant. I know I am not. I'm also not super nauseous so I don't think it's another molar. I'm wondering if it's one of those "false pregnancies" where your mind thinks it's pregnant and so your body agrees but in the end there's no baby and you're just psycho. Except I don't want to be psycho. Although I'll take being nutso over being pregnant again. I don't know. I have to go see the doctor this week, we'll see who's nutso then.... Probably still be me.

Chunko is growing in leaps and bounds. He doesn't cry when I leave for work anymore. He gives me kisses goodbye, waves and sends me on my way. I wouldn't mind wailing toddler tantrum at least once a week but apparently he's outgrown them. He also doesn't fuss before bed. He marches to bed, without any distractions, and climbs into bed. He still tries to hide in the closet sometimes but he knows when the jig is up. Yesterday, while we were massively spring cleaning, Chunko came walking down the stairs... Walking, like a normal kid, holding the railing and just strolling down.... Uh, what!????! This weekend he called my BHBIL's cow sized dog "Bad Moo" which was so cute! He's really practicing words and trying out new phrases. *sniff* He's getting so big. We might even be starting the potty training game since he's so eager to try. I'm going to need lots of prayers to get through training my stubborn bull child to pee in the potty... Oiy.

I've been training someone new at work... I'm sure fifth time is a charm. I like her. She's smart, and willing to jump in. I want to keep her. I will cut anybody who takes her I hope she stays with us for awhile and shares her knowledge with all of us.

Fart Bone got to go up in an airplane!!! Just him and the pilot in a glider, up in the air!! He's always wanted to fly in a plane and he got to this weeknd. They did some cool tricks, like making his camera float, and he even got to pilot it for a bit. I cannot wait to see the pictures. I'm so proud and excited for my baby boy!


 I hear there's a distant rumbling of office drama gossip coming... Must go be nosy