Reasons Why I'm Scared

These are just a few short tales of terror to help you understand my fear of the delivery room:

1. My friend tells me she had 3 (yeah three!!) epidurals and a demerol and still felt everything! She said there was blood everywhere and it traumatized her daughter for life...

2. When the anesthesiologist and nurse came in to give me my epidural I sat up and peed the bed. I totally soaked it. I was mortified to the point that I cried like a baby and tried to help them wipe the bed down. They didn't think twice about it. The anesthesiologist even gave me a hug and said he'd seen it happen many times. – mommy123104

3. I had gas when I started pushing. I kept letting 'em go for the first 20 minutes. It was really embarrassing and I kept apologizing. I don't think the nurses cared one bit but my husband was there and he'd never heard me fart before. – nadjjaa78

4. When my husband went to cut the cord, the cord blood sprayed me in the face! The baby was sliding off my chest and as the doctor grabbed for the baby the cord ended up angled toward my face. After a very quick delivery, it made for a good story. – mrslebeau

5. I threw up. It literally went all the way across the room. My midwife said she was very impressed and that she'd never seen that distance from anyone. Had there been a contest, I would've won, hands down. It was actually kind of cool. – lucioaks

6. I didn't poop, but my daughter sure did! She was holding it all in for nine months. As soon as she popped out, she exploded all over my legs and stomach. I was so excited about seeing her that I didn't even notice until the nurses were almost done cleaning me up. – TigerLily314

7. Yes, I pooped on the table...twice! And if that wasn't enough... I was surprised and grossed out when I started pushing and broke my own water. It went flying and hit the poor doctor and covered her head to toe. Oops! – Armywife222

8. I didn't expect the anesthesiologist to have so much trouble getting the epidural needle in correctly. For an hour I was hunched over, having it inserted, removed, and reinserted, all while contracting every four minutes, before she finally placed the needle correctly. That was not fun. And then the kicker....the epidural didn't work! I ended up feeling everything while delivering. – ChristyElizabeth

9. I had a lot of nurses-in-training in the delivery room. It weirded me out that they kept asking, "Is this normal?" That's not something you should say to a woman in labor. – shortyvm

10. I was being induced and ended up with an emergency c-section. No one told me that nursing students who had never seen a c-section before would be in the room! It was scary, and the horrified looks on their faces as they watched my c-section made my anxiety triple. – MamaBurrito


And these are just the embarassingly funny stories... Not the "We almost died/ My baby stayed in the NICU for 4 months" stories...

Ok, Now I'm Complaining

33.3 weeks pregnant...

Today I am 34.4 weeks and I am so over it!

I am no longer terrified of giving birth (*cough* Bullshit *cough*), I just want to get in, get him out and see my little precious baby boy.

I'm tired aaaallllllll the time, whinier than ever and I tend to be slightly crabby. My love, being the saint that he is, takes it all in stride. I don't think I would have gotten through this far if it wasn't for him spoiling me every second he can. I don't know how, but I am so paying him back for this.

My feet and (c)ankles keep swelling to the point where my shoes don't fit and I don't fit on the toilet anymore. Boo...

JJR only wants to play and do his tricks for me, so I'm the only one so far to have seen his little foot poke out of my tummy. He plays all day while I'm at work and as soon as I'm home, he stops. He is such a meaney!

I don't see how we'll last the whole 40 weeks, but then I keep thinking he might hold out an extra week just for one last kicker. He does things on his own time, his own way and if you don't like it... Tough! I fear for the terrible twos if he's this bad before he's even here.

April is going to be an insane month for us!

I just finally finished our shower invites and they are freakin gorgeous (even if I say so myself). They were such a pain trying to get them lined up just right, but I somehow managed without ripping them to shreds. I would have called them "confetti invitations."

My sister's baby Chubs is going to be 2 this month and he is just gearing up for one little temper tantrum that'll knock your socks off. And he's so cute doing it, too! Only cause he's not my kid...

We have my maternity shoot scheduled and set up and I cannot wait to see what the photographer is going to do. Her work is A-Maze-Ing and I am beyond excited! We were discussing setting her up with my ham of a step-girl so she could shoot her and give her a moment to feel like a model.

At the end of this month is our 2nd wedding anniversary and I don't exactly know how we're going to celebrate it properly with me being 39 weeks and ready to pop... Any ideas?

Other than that, just planning our baby shower and the games we want to play. We're almost done and I have to admit it's been fun and it's kept my mind off being crazy for a second or two.

So in short, I'm done, but I'm not... you know?

Secrets

If you knew something that you weren't supposed to know, would you tell the person that you knew?

What if it were to cause a huge disruption and accusations of accessing this information in an ill begotten way?

What if by keeping your secret that you knew their secret it was causing pain for others to keep this secret from you?

Is the greater good of an innocent bystander worth more than your own peace?

Or is it more of it's not your secret that's causing this bystander discomfort so it's not for you to relieve the pressure of keeping the secret you alreay know?

I've come across some information, a secret really, by accidental means and I originally felt it best to keep to myself... however... it's come to light that certain people are going to large lengths to not share this secret with me and these measures are making life rather hard on the others keeping this secret, too... So is it for me to let these people know that I know their secret or just let them continue thinking that I don't know? Even though these other people keeping the secret are put in a very uncomfortable situation and the secret keeper will not be relieving that any time soon?

Night Terrors

My dreams are starting to get ugly...

They're about fights and manipulations. Sometimes I dream I am back in high school and re-suffering those 4 years but this time it's all heightened by the severe over-emotionalism of being pregnant.

I dream a lot about having a miscarriage. Sometimes I am obviously eight or nine months pregnant and I'll suddenly feel the first stabs of pain and the rush of blood as my little baby gives up on me. Sometimes I'm 16, just wandering the old high school hallways and then *Bamm* I am dying on the floor in a pool of my blood.

I always wake up checking the bed sheets for any sign that this time the dream was real and so far nothing (Thank Golly Goodness!!!)... but I worry.

I worry that he's just not going to move today and that'll be it...

I think my job has a lot to do with my fears. Seeing moms, week in and week out, who carry up to 39 weeks and then have a stillborn is wearing me down. I can say all the usual goobs about poor prenatal care or some sort of birth defect but it never calms all my fears. I am so thankful my doctor is going to let us see him later this week. Just so I can check all his little organs and see for a fact that he is growing just fine.

All I want to do is sleep and yet I don't want to dream these horrible dreams!!

Just two more months to go Little One, stick with me...