My dreams are starting to get ugly...They're about fights and manipulations. Sometimes I dream I am back in high school and re-suffering those 4 years but this time it's all heightened by the severe over-emotionalism of being pregnant.
I dream a lot about having a miscarriage. Sometimes I am obviously eight or nine months pregnant and I'll suddenly feel the first stabs of pain and the rush of blood as my little baby gives up on me. Sometimes I'm 16, just wandering the old high school hallways and then *Bamm* I am dying on the floor in a pool of my blood.
I always wake up checking the bed sheets for any sign that this time the dream was real and so far nothing (Thank Golly Goodness!!!)... but I worry.
I worry that he's just not going to move today and that'll be it...
I think my job has a lot to do with my fears. Seeing moms, week in and week out, who carry up to 39 weeks and then have a stillborn is wearing me down. I can say all the usual goobs about poor prenatal care or some sort of birth defect but it never calms all my fears. I am so thankful my doctor is going to let us see him later this week. Just so I can check all his little organs and see for a fact that he is growing just fine.
All I want to do is sleep and yet I don't want to dream these horrible dreams!!
Just two more months to go Little One, stick with me...
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