Dear Rihanna

Dear Rihanna,

          Ever since your big smack down a couple years ago, you have been bugging the living shell fish out me. I'm sure that business is thriving the more you play up the "Good girl, gone bad" bull but it's so old now. Every song you release is about how you "Like the way it hurts" or "Chains and whips excite you"... If it weren't for your face being pummeled your music wouldn't be so obnoxious but since it did happen, it's just a constant reminder of something no one wants to care about anymore. 

         We've all seen the pictures, we all know you were hurt really bad but how can one truly have sympathy if your next move is "Hit me, spank me, pull my hair" (wrong artist but same gist)?
         As someone that was in an abusive relationship, both mentally and physically I get the need to get out and move on... It's been told a million times that you gave as good as you got and you deserve props for that but you're forgetting the "move on" step. 

         Here's my theory though (I know we all have one): I think you liked to be knocked around and you liked to do a little of the knocking. I believe that was part of the thrill of your relationship with Chris was that you guys got to throw down and then rock it out. I think that's why you never fully pressed charges against him. I think he just went a little too far and you had to step out of the limo and things went awry after that.  I believe that America's pseudo bad girl couldn't be into S&M, being hurt and dominated so they had to spin it into the longest story of abuse ever.

         My point on it all is just to shout "Cut the Crap!!!!"

       
You're music is repetitive at best, it sticks and burrows in your brain like a parasite. It used to be good, but maybe Chris knocked the musician out of you... I wonder if you even know how to make a song not about getting smacked or used? What happened to RiRi? What happened to Pom De Replay, SOS or Shut Up & Drive???? Shoot I'll even give you Umbrella which is basically a car alarm with a beat...

          I am about 4 seconds away from becoming a hermit just so I don't have to listen to that damn "Love the way you lie" one more effing time!

PS, at no point do I condone abuse. I just fully believe that if you are abused and you manage to escape that your next twelve thousand songs should not be about how you like to be hurt... 

 PPS, I really really love your yellow polka dot bodysuit in your new video... I actually like your new video... Too bad it's tainted

PPPS, Can I have your shoes and pink popcorn?