Altogether now

I believe that time has completely stopped for me. I feel like I have been waiting months for my next doctor's appointment when it's only been two weeks (can we re-calculate that?).

I'm not normally so impatient (pssh, lie) but this is something no one should have to wait to know. Am I pregnant with a baby or is it cancer? Kind of one extreme to another, huh?

I'm trying not to get excited and start making plans for a new arrival but how can I help it?

We know where we're going to put all the furniture, like the crib and changing table. We know what style we want. We even know what themes we want to use... We just need to know if we'll be laying down a sleeping baby or a cancerous tumor in the crib.

Panic, worry, stress.

I have a temper ( I know, duh) but I have been so good about being nice and not snapping at people. No really, I have. My strange cravings are starting to kick in. I want steak and chicken real bad right now. My weight gaining has stopped for the time being but that's fine with me for now.

But while I pace the floor waiting to know where our future lies, my youngest step-daughter has developed a certain attitude...

I don't really know how best to describe it but it's like she think she's entitled to something and she's not getting it. And while i know she's about to hit the lovely teen years of mood swings, I feel as if there's something more under the surface.

This weekend was the worse of her behavior with her volunteering to help around the house and then doing a sloppy job. When we corrected her, she starts sputtering excuses about how she didn't know (it's dusting, really?) and how if we allowed her to watch my son more often this wouldn't be a problem... .... .... ... uh, what?

How does that even relate?

We had to remind her that we offered for her to watch him and she refused. But what does this have to do with dusting? I'm still confused...

My step-daughter is a great kid and I love her to bits (most parents and step parents would kill to have a kid this good) but she has this communication problem where she starts acting out with back talk, laziness and rudeness when she has a problem on her mind. One that usually centers around me. But I don't know what I did this time!

Looking back over the weekend, she asked for a $400-$500 laptop and I told her no but that we would look into it when she went to high school. She seemed a little upset that she couldn't get it but appeared to be ok with it. Then she went to her maternal grandparents house for a party and comes back with *viola* attitude... Kind of makes me wonder what her interpretation is of how things about the laptop panned out.

I am a little frustrated and more than slightly confused. I know that we have to do the sit and talk thing... again.

In all honesty sometimes I feel like I'm not allowed to correct her. And if I had the audacity to do so then all hell would break loose. Cause then she goes back to her mom and sister and tells them something like I'm just randomly mean to her or I pick on her. Then they think that she's miserable the whole time she's at our house. It's like she's doing this little manipulative game. Playing parents against each other (knowing there's just enough previous drama and misguided feelings to encourage it). Telling us how much fun she had the whole weekend and how she couldn't wait to come back and then crying home about how all we do is demean her.

I just wish the bull between the two families would stop. It's too much. The angry oldest step daughter and the ex who refuses to openly communicate.

And in the middle of all of it is a little girl. Trapped between almost having to choose sides. Choose which parent she loves more than the other. We do all we can to make sure that she's comfortable and that she's included. Especially when making family decisions.

Oh frick, can't we just get along?