Tales of the Chunko

Chunko is a very goofy kid (I think he gets it from his brother... ) and he does some rather crazy weird hysterical things throughout the week and I think I need to share.

Keep in mind that I am a very funny person and these stories will make you laugh til you pee... or do it cause you love me
(Do it! Pee your pants for me!)
(No? Okay, fine)

Let me paint the picture for you:

A) We were ordering at Jack 'N' The Crack and Chunko started wandering around. He found a lonely woman sitting by herself and joined her at the table. He sits in the chair across from her, spits out his binky, grabs a french fry and shoves it in his mouth. I rush over and sharply "No stealing people's food!"

Chunko kindly spits out his chewed fry and places it back on the table. He sits staring intently at the now grossed out woman, waiting for her to tell him it's okay to eat it again. When she didn't respond quickly enough he pointed at his mush and asks "Eh?"

I dragged him away and cleaned up his mess but I don't think she believed my apologies as I was laughing so hard, I was crying.
Sorry random lady. It means he likes you if that helps any?

B) My mother-in-law was watching Chunko one day and texted me in a panic because he had chewed on some rocks from outside (of course they're from outside, where else do rocks come from?). She was worried that it was going to make him sick. I told her not worry. Later on, I got another panic text telling me Chunko had decided to add flavor to his binky by swishing it in the toilet. (what is with my kids and toilets???). Again, I tell her not to worry.

I'm discussing this with my love that night and he tells me not to worry about Chunko and the things he ingests. He said that at this point he's probably immune to all biological weapons and will survive any nuclear fallout.
So I guess my love thinks Chunko is a cockroach.... Nice, real nice.

Moral of the story? God made dirt and dirt don't hurt.... and neither does toilet water, I guess.

C) My dad has an amazing new sound system in his car and has been tearing through all of our CDs to download as much music to his MP3 as possible. He wants the bass, he wants the treble and he is trying out everything. I never thought my dad would actually like listening to Korn (Follow the Leader has such a pounding bass). I recently asked him if he had any favorites, thinking he would name the Black Eyed Peas or Adele or something. He says "There's this one, you have a lot of her stuff and she's really good."
(guilty admission coming up ---->) I ask him if he means Britney Spears because I have 5 of her CDs. He says "Ew, no way. It's the one who sings Womanizer"
Yeah Dad, that's Britney Spears...
He starts to look sick and goes "Oh ew, I like Britney Spears. I actually like her a lot."

Haha, I've converted my dad to the dark glittery side!

D) We all know the ASPCA commercial where they show all the badly abused animals, right? Chunko's see it one day and for every animal they show, he says "Ow"

Apparently I wasn't respecting their pain well enough so he ran up to me, grabbed my face, stared me right in the eye and said "Ow"
Then he ran back to the TV and chanted "Ow" again.
At least he gets that they are in pain?
When he's tossing his animals around and pulling their hair, he says "Ow" now too. So sweet and loving.

E) On the note of Chunko and the TV, he likes to record cooking shows now. I'm just glad he's temporarily off his porn kick. If he can get his hands on the remote, he sets it to picture-in-picture and won't let me change it from the Nancy Grace show and some bake-off cupcake show. My TV watching days have been numbered I guess.

That's it for now. I'm trying to keep updating all the amusing things he does with us but there is so much that I would be here typing it and not there enjoying it.
If you'll excuse me, I have to go get the kids out of the toilet now...