Is It Four or Plus More?

Have you ever had a thought that keeps circling in your brain and you know it to be true? It may be instinct or it may just be a thought that won't go away but you can feel it your bones and in your heart?
It's like you suddenly had the thought that your spouse is cheating on you and you look into it to find out it's true.

That's how I've been feeling lately.
(No, my love did not cheat on me, pssshh, lame)

Lately, I have had this strong sense that our family is not done growing. That Chunko is not the last baby to be a part of our family. Which is a huge contradiction to the comforting feeling that I am not having anymore babies. I know, to my bones and back that I will not get pregnant again and that I will not have to give birth again... But as strong as that is, I also know that there's another child in our future. Whether that's through adoption or fostering or random child is absorbed into our pack, there's another one waiting for us.

This feeling started with the dreams. I started dreaming that while at work and in the restroom, a baby started crying. When I step out to wash my hands, there is a baby left alone in her carrier. I take her out of the bathroom and I ask around but no one knows where her parents are and she becomes mine.

(*I am not delusional and I know that you don't just take random babies home and keep them. There's a process but I was dreaming, k?*)

In my dream, we adopt her and she is the best baby ever, even rivaling my sweet tempered (until he was 2) Fart Bone. She sleeps through the night. Eats whatever we offer her (but not in Chunko sized portions). She is little and petite with beautiful auburn hair and green/ hazel eyes. We call her Bella Eve, just as we would have if Chunko had been a girl.

I got to spend several years with her in my dream and our family was complete.

Then I woke up.
I was in such a state of devastation as if I had really lost this child I never had. I was heartbroken for days after.
And ever since then I have known there will be another.

(*Okay, so now I feel a little delusional*)

I think that the dream was opening me up to the idea of having another child. Before it, I was good and happy with the babies we have and so very done, finis, and stuff.

My love thinks I am crazy (as I'm sure you all do now, too). Actually, he thinks that since there are so many people around us pregnant and gearing up for new babies that I've caught the fever. He thinks I've caught the "I want a new baby to hold and squish and cuddle and love so I can pinch their fat perfect chubby cheeks" fever, when, in reality, I've caught the "I want you to bring over your cute widdle babykins so I can snuggle them and give them back when they start fussing" fever.

Who knows what the future will bring us?
I guess we'll just have to wait and see what is brought to our doorstep next...