Breaking The Rules

I need to start with saying that I am not a big fan of writing about the little speed bumps that come up in our marriage...

#1 Because I don't want to be one of "those" people that put every little fart or spat they have on the internet for everyone to see for eternity

#2 Our disagreements are not attention worthy

#3 He hasn't cheated on me (and won't, this I know with certainty)

#4 My ex hasn't shown up pregnant

#5 I didn't knock him out with a baseball bat

#6 He hasn't sped away into oblivion while rocking out to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"

With that being said, I've been a bad wife.

The good news is that my doctor does not think that I have post partum depression like I thought before but rather I have anxiety... Um.... yay?

She thinks that I was hiding it before and that the hormonal changes I've been going through are not allowing me to cover it up like I used to be able to.

I've still been a bad wife.

I am starting to journal again and I am doing my best to reduce the stress in my life. It's hard when it feels like everything is just too much to handle. I'm learning to communicate to my husband and tell him what I need before the fangs come out, my hair stands on end and I start shreiking absurdities at him I start to become angry.

I do my best to remind myself how blessed I am and how my life is actually really amazing... I remind myself that I am surrounded by loving family and friends and we have a really tight support system. My girls and I have been through waaaaaaaaaay waaaaaaaaaay worse than this and I need to put my life back into perspective. I am a naturally optimistic person and it goes against my every belief to be so angry and negative so often.

With all the changes I've made, I am still being a bad wife.


My love and I have been relationship rule breakers since day one...

We have matching tattoos with each other's names... Oh yeah, we are that confident

He saw me in my wedding gown quite a few times (just not on our wedding day before I walked down the aisle... That was almost a disaster... Wait... Sidetracked, my bad)

My ex came to our wedding ( we would have invited his but she was being mean at the time)

We've gone to bed angry

I'm sure there's millions more but those are the biggies.

But with all that, we are stuck like glue.

We have been through really scary stuff with the molar pregnancy and chemo. We have had to make some really hard choices about our old house.

And the biggest, hardest has been the difficulties with family.

And we're still here... Together.

There were moments where it was rocky, I'm not going to lie. There were times in the very begining where we almost went our seperate ways ...

But not now....

I have really been a bitch (there's no nice word for it) lately and my husband still looks at me like I am the most beautiful woman in the world. He still has the stars in his eyes and I know that they reflect mine.

So, My Love, thank you.

Thank you for smiling through my fits.

Thank you for holding me when I cry.

Thank you for telling me I'm beautiful even when I am wearing tore up sweats and haven't brushed my hair.

Thank you for still holding my hand even when you fear I'll bite it.

Thank you for staying with me and loving me.

Thank you for hearing the same lame story over and over.

Than you for not pushing when I've had a hard day at work.

Than you for caring about my day.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for being mine.

I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing man but I am not going to let some stupid anxiety ruin it!

Since this has been a little hard to write, I am ending it with a funny: