Dear Grandma: I miss you

I was waiting in the far left turn lane for the light to turn green. The light turns and I go forward and stay in my lane as I am supposed to. The car next to me comes into my lane forcing me to run up onto the median and blast my horn at them. The car jerks into their lane. I look into the car and in the passenger seat is an older woman with puffy red hair flipping me the middle finger... and I all I could do was smile.

I thought of you, Grandma.

Not because you were always flipping people off or because you were a poor driver but because you were defiant and you stood your ground.

You were fiery and you were feisty but you were also a lover and not a fighter.

I remember once that you received a phone call. The man asked how you were and what you were doing and you kindly answered. Then he asked what you were wearing and again you answered, even though you were surprised. He said a few naughty things and you chided him on being proper. You said if he couldn't be nice to you then you would hang up. He apologized and you ended up having a two hour phone conversation with him. He even called you a couple more times after that. Turns out it was a man in prison who was randomly calling people hoping for phone sex or just someone to talk to. You were that person to talk to.

I remember the first time you met my ex. You blurted out "What the phuck is wrong with your face?" (because of his multiple facial piercings) and then you hugged him and called him yours. You were swift to threaten him if he ever hurt me but you were quick to let him know family is family and he was now a part of that.

I remember when I bought my first car from a dealership and it turned out to be a lemon. You went with me to the dealership and you let that woman know what you thought of her and her whole family. I'd never seen you so angry. You scared them so bad that when I returned the car "as is" they never said a word or tried to collect the rest of the debt.

You always had a wise word or a funny story. You were always there to listen to me and I hope you knew that I was there for you, too. You were my strength when I needed it. You were strength in all it's glory. You took me in as I were blood when your son married my mom and you never once allowed anyone to question my place.

I got married and had my baby shower in your community's clubhouse so that I could feel closer to you. I needed to be where you celebrated your 50th anniversary and so many other events and times. I know you aren't here anymore but I wanted to feel like you could be here.

I wish we had had more time together. I wish you could see the imprint you made on my life. I wish you could see how your wisdom and helpful advice helped lead me to be who I am today. You were there when I was at the bottom and you helped me realize what I wanted. You taught me of karma and the golden rule. I feel as if I have also traveled the world from hearing your stories and I can only hope that one day I have my Trudy to share my later years with as you did.

You were the matriarch.
You were the backbone.
You were the heart.
And you were the brains (don't tell anyone else that, though, they might get mad).

I think of you almost every day and I miss you more than I can say.
I love you, Grandma
Wish you were here