I am about to blather on about my butt...
That was your warning...
I have been suffering immense pain in my tailbone for the past 9 months. It hurts when I sit mostly, which is what I do for my job, eight hours a day, so it is important to try to alleviate it. I went to my primary doctor's office and determined they are complete morons. The first doctor insisted it was due to my molar pregnancy or giving birth to an 11 pound baby. I could have agreed but this started in June/ July, not over 2 years ago. He sent me off to get x-rays, which came back completely normal. The next doctor insisted I injured myself without knowing. I live a very active life and, again, could have agreed. Only problem, this was a progressive onset of pain, not a sudden discomfort. She kept blathering on about her freshman year of college and how she injured her back and didn't even know why, except she was in gymnastics and fell off a trampoline once.... I was supposed to apparently ignore it and it would go away. I insisted on an MRI referral and she reluctantly agreed. After waiting three months for my (soon to be ex) doctor's office to get their shit together and refer me to an MRI center that accepts my insurance, I got the MRI. Holy shit, that is one of the scariest experiences of my life. It wasn't so bad, until they shove you in and you realize the roof of the tube is an inch above your nose. I nearly had a panic attack after spending almost two hours in that tube of hell. The results came back and it looked like I had a slight displacement of my tailbone. Both the MRI specialist and my (idiot) doctor agreed that 3mm of movement of my coccyx is not big deal. My doctor kept insisting on my having a mysterious injury that would heal itself but I managed to get a referral to a pain management specialist. I was defeated by this point. They were more concerned about the cysts on my ovaries than the pain preventing me from sitting. I always have cysts, I didn't come there to find out what I already knew. I almost didn't go, but I am glad I did. He believed I didn't forgetfully injure my butt and he believed that any displacement of my coccyx isn't normal. He wanted me to start with steroid shots to the area and maybe in a year (or two), we would plan on having my tailbone removed completely. He said he hasn't ever seen a situation like mine except in 80 year olds with osteoporosis who fell on their butts. Clearly not 80 and not suffering osteoporosis. I went home and tapped Google to read up on these shots... and I scared the crap out of myself. I read nothing good about them and became all too aware of the possibilities of an allergic reaction. I called the nurse for some reassurance and ended up getting an earful about the pain I would soon be in. I sucked it up. One time. If it was too much, then I wouldn't go back. Simple as that. Besides, if I can birth a baby naturally, birth an 11 pound baby, have 2 blood transfusions after a D&C, then I can conquer this... I hope.
Today was the big day.
I was shaking I was so scared.
Have I mentioned I hate needles (like most normal people)?
And have I mentioned that I am extremely sensitive about my back (and my butt)?
I walk out of the waiting room and follow to the back, sniffling because my husband won't be able to hold my hand through this (apparently they didn't want to uselessly expose him to radiation, pssshh, whatever). I nervously blurted all the ridiculous crap that came to my head.
"I'm a huge cry baby and you have to deal with me now."
"I'm nervous so sorry if I make any snarky bitch comments."
"I didn't shave my legs, please ignore that."
"I don't really like people playing with my butt."
"You seem tired, are you giving me the shot?"
"Not pregnant but clearly ovulating"
"My husband had the big V, but they wouldn't give me his balls in jar. I guess they don't remove them anymore."
"I have an unusually long butt crack."
And on, and on my wise words spewed from my mouth.
I climbed on the table and sat there, still vomiting my awesomeness.
And the nurse yanks my pants down!
"I have to shove a tissue up my nose because my allergies are acting up in this overly sterile environment."
I've had quite a few surgeries but never have I had to casually lay on my stomach and talk shop while my bare ass waves in the wind. Then they had to swab the area... and then they discussed the affected area. They had to give me three numbing shots (3!!!!) and then it was over. Kind of. The nurse had to clean up the iodine, blood and shot juices... From my butt. Awkward. I am so glad Chunko is potty trained because wiping his butt after a poo would have brought back memories of my own recently wiped rear end. Like PTSD but creepier.
The anesthesia has worn off and I hurt like hell. I hope that there is improvement over time. I am overly excited to go back for more highly enjoyable butt shot fun. Nothing beats a day where you bare your ass in front of strangers.
Ps, I really do have an overly long butt crack. It is long like Jennifer Aniston's. I know my butt isn't as firm as her but it used to be
That was your warning...
I have been suffering immense pain in my tailbone for the past 9 months. It hurts when I sit mostly, which is what I do for my job, eight hours a day, so it is important to try to alleviate it. I went to my primary doctor's office and determined they are complete morons. The first doctor insisted it was due to my molar pregnancy or giving birth to an 11 pound baby. I could have agreed but this started in June/ July, not over 2 years ago. He sent me off to get x-rays, which came back completely normal. The next doctor insisted I injured myself without knowing. I live a very active life and, again, could have agreed. Only problem, this was a progressive onset of pain, not a sudden discomfort. She kept blathering on about her freshman year of college and how she injured her back and didn't even know why, except she was in gymnastics and fell off a trampoline once.... I was supposed to apparently ignore it and it would go away. I insisted on an MRI referral and she reluctantly agreed. After waiting three months for my (soon to be ex) doctor's office to get their shit together and refer me to an MRI center that accepts my insurance, I got the MRI. Holy shit, that is one of the scariest experiences of my life. It wasn't so bad, until they shove you in and you realize the roof of the tube is an inch above your nose. I nearly had a panic attack after spending almost two hours in that tube of hell. The results came back and it looked like I had a slight displacement of my tailbone. Both the MRI specialist and my (idiot) doctor agreed that 3mm of movement of my coccyx is not big deal. My doctor kept insisting on my having a mysterious injury that would heal itself but I managed to get a referral to a pain management specialist. I was defeated by this point. They were more concerned about the cysts on my ovaries than the pain preventing me from sitting. I always have cysts, I didn't come there to find out what I already knew. I almost didn't go, but I am glad I did. He believed I didn't forgetfully injure my butt and he believed that any displacement of my coccyx isn't normal. He wanted me to start with steroid shots to the area and maybe in a year (or two), we would plan on having my tailbone removed completely. He said he hasn't ever seen a situation like mine except in 80 year olds with osteoporosis who fell on their butts. Clearly not 80 and not suffering osteoporosis. I went home and tapped Google to read up on these shots... and I scared the crap out of myself. I read nothing good about them and became all too aware of the possibilities of an allergic reaction. I called the nurse for some reassurance and ended up getting an earful about the pain I would soon be in. I sucked it up. One time. If it was too much, then I wouldn't go back. Simple as that. Besides, if I can birth a baby naturally, birth an 11 pound baby, have 2 blood transfusions after a D&C, then I can conquer this... I hope.
Today was the big day.
I was shaking I was so scared.
Have I mentioned I hate needles (like most normal people)?
And have I mentioned that I am extremely sensitive about my back (and my butt)?
I walk out of the waiting room and follow to the back, sniffling because my husband won't be able to hold my hand through this (apparently they didn't want to uselessly expose him to radiation, pssshh, whatever). I nervously blurted all the ridiculous crap that came to my head.
"I'm a huge cry baby and you have to deal with me now."
"I'm nervous so sorry if I make any snarky bitch comments."
"I didn't shave my legs, please ignore that."
"I don't really like people playing with my butt."
"You seem tired, are you giving me the shot?"
"Not pregnant but clearly ovulating"
"My husband had the big V, but they wouldn't give me his balls in jar. I guess they don't remove them anymore."
"I have an unusually long butt crack."
And on, and on my wise words spewed from my mouth.
I climbed on the table and sat there, still vomiting my awesomeness.
And the nurse yanks my pants down!
"I have to shove a tissue up my nose because my allergies are acting up in this overly sterile environment."
I've had quite a few surgeries but never have I had to casually lay on my stomach and talk shop while my bare ass waves in the wind. Then they had to swab the area... and then they discussed the affected area. They had to give me three numbing shots (3!!!!) and then it was over. Kind of. The nurse had to clean up the iodine, blood and shot juices... From my butt. Awkward. I am so glad Chunko is potty trained because wiping his butt after a poo would have brought back memories of my own recently wiped rear end. Like PTSD but creepier.
The anesthesia has worn off and I hurt like hell. I hope that there is improvement over time. I am overly excited to go back for more highly enjoyable butt shot fun. Nothing beats a day where you bare your ass in front of strangers.
Ps, I really do have an overly long butt crack. It is long like Jennifer Aniston's. I know my butt isn't as firm as her but it used to be
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