So Then I Improvised

Chunko is almost completely potty trained (day AND night time thankyouverymuch)!!! I used our very last diaper/ pull-up to blow my nose in the car the other day so we are officially out!!! I am ECSTATIC!!!!

A very small downside is that when the kid says he has to go potty, he doesn't always have to go. But of course, if we ignore him, that will be when he has an accident. Then he wets himself, and the carseat and whatever else he peed on and it is all my fault for ignoring him.

We are in the car outside of Fart Bone's school and waiting in line to pick him up after school. We are trapped in a sea of parental SUVs and mini vans. That is when nature picks up her phone and calls my two year old.

"Mommy, I have go pee."
"What??? Now???"
"Yes, I have go pee"
"Are you sure???"
"Mommy, I have go NOW!!"

I cannot pull over. I cannot park. I cannot abandon my car, run in the school and back. I mildly freak out wondering why I chose today to clean out my car. I catch a glimpse of an empty water bottle and grasp it like it my saving grace. I hand it to Chunko and tell him to pee in the bottle.

At this point he has already unstrapped himself from his car seat in order to pace the car, chanting about his need for relief. He is standing in front of the front passenger seat and proceeds to pull his pants down. I keep trying to get his penis in the water bottle so he can pee... and then I look up. Into the slightly shocked and completely horrified face of the driver next to me. The woman who is acting like she has never had the opportunity to make her toddler pee in a bottle. The woman who my son is happily waving to, both hands, while I hold a bottle to his penis.

Then the bell rings, and the kids swarm. I realize my son is joyously making a spectacle of himself so I tell him to climb into the back seat to pee. He climbs back there, I reset the bottle and nothing. Apparently, the kid can only pee if people are watching? Like he has the opposite of shy bladder? Is that public bladder?

He pulls his pants up and hands me the empty bottle, "I don't have go pee, Mommy" as he climbs out of my reach. He is so lucky I had to move that car right at that moment or I would have throttled him! He sits in his carseat, buckles back up and acts like I am the crazy one!!

And let me tell you, after almost three years of this kid... Maybe I am.