I have made a few rather difficult confessions on this blog, but this... this has to be one of the hardest ones. My battle with being skinny nor the admittance of our bankruptcy is comparable to this.
After five years of trying, my love and I have decided to quit. We have tried all that we can imagine and now the only thing we can offer is time.
I'm talking about his oldest daughter, of course.
Five years of anger and aggression and five years of a father and a daughter not talking (or at least, not nicely) has worn us down. He has tried calling, texting, emailing and even snail mail letter writing in hopes of rebuilding something of what they used to have. I even tried a few times to reach out only to be slapped back with silence. The silence, I think, is far more brutal and harsh than a simple "Not ready" or a "No thank you" or even a "Frack off." It adds the element of hope that the answer will come soon and then it never does. No news is not always good news. The absolute lack of answer is much more hurtful than a rude one because it says that he's just not worth it to her.
It seems that about every six months one of us will get the itch to try again. Maybe there was a pleasant conversation or a good phone call. Maybe there's just a father worried about his daughter and wanting to let her know he's there for her. But we can't keep doing this to ourselves. There has to come a time to stop and say "When she is ready, she will call." If that is never, then we'll have to accept her wishes, even if we don't agree with them.
We talked about this for a very long time and we realized it has to end. We are torturing ourselves over this and it's just been far too much for way too long. He tried one last time and got the usual lack of acknowledgment.
Neither one of us wanted to accept that this is the path we have to take. It's upsetting, even a little infuriating, to have to decide this. We had to understand that it is our loss but it is hers, too. I hope someday it can be different and far better but until then we have to step back and move on.
And now we are done.
After five years of trying, my love and I have decided to quit. We have tried all that we can imagine and now the only thing we can offer is time.
I'm talking about his oldest daughter, of course.
Five years of anger and aggression and five years of a father and a daughter not talking (or at least, not nicely) has worn us down. He has tried calling, texting, emailing and even snail mail letter writing in hopes of rebuilding something of what they used to have. I even tried a few times to reach out only to be slapped back with silence. The silence, I think, is far more brutal and harsh than a simple "Not ready" or a "No thank you" or even a "Frack off." It adds the element of hope that the answer will come soon and then it never does. No news is not always good news. The absolute lack of answer is much more hurtful than a rude one because it says that he's just not worth it to her.
It seems that about every six months one of us will get the itch to try again. Maybe there was a pleasant conversation or a good phone call. Maybe there's just a father worried about his daughter and wanting to let her know he's there for her. But we can't keep doing this to ourselves. There has to come a time to stop and say "When she is ready, she will call." If that is never, then we'll have to accept her wishes, even if we don't agree with them.
We talked about this for a very long time and we realized it has to end. We are torturing ourselves over this and it's just been far too much for way too long. He tried one last time and got the usual lack of acknowledgment.
Neither one of us wanted to accept that this is the path we have to take. It's upsetting, even a little infuriating, to have to decide this. We had to understand that it is our loss but it is hers, too. I hope someday it can be different and far better but until then we have to step back and move on.
And now we are done.
I know that is hard for you both but I have seen the anquish you have suffered and I know you are strong to pull through this. I finally got tired of trying with my oldest step daughter and quit also. I have been blessed that her sister talked with her and now we have a relationship and I have a beautiful granddaughter. I hope you family, too, will be whole once again. Love you.
ReplyDeleteStories like yours give us hope for something better one day. I know you out of so many understand our pain and know how hard it is to have to step away. Thank you so much for all your support with this so far.
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